[un]affected

i still can't believe how i went ballistic almost one year ago, when i had a falling out (a quarrel or estrangement between persons formerly in close association with one another) with someone i used to trust. now that i re-examine past events, i realise how exaggerated my emotions were then (not to mention how inappropriately i acted on the situation).

notice how this is the first time i wrote about 'it'. closure. it's all about closure. (linya ni Mandy, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

bottom line is the experience made me a lot stronger and wiser, and i wouldn't change that for anything in the world. not even for a chance to retain the strong bond of friendship i lost.

let me share with you excepts from an article from one of my favorite websites. (syempre, peyups din ako eh. hehe... :D) uh, the article somehow reflects the way i felt. FELT. past tense (i saved the article about one year ago).

Love Stories : Losing Faith
Contributed by garnet_fire (Edited by mananalaysay)
Monday, January 24, 2005 @ 12:01:15 AM

"It's over. Finally, I can breathe. I can have a life again, something apart from always trying to be there for you. I can stop trying to understand, trying to make you see that we can work through this, that our love is worth fighting for. All the uncertainty, all the confusion, all the pain of not knowing where I went wrong, is finally over.

"D*mn you for putting me through all that. D*mn you for taking my belief in love, my belief in forever, my belief in you, and handing them back to me broken, saying you can’t deal with them anymore. You will never know how much you hurt me by just giving up, you will never know how much you scared me from loving as much as I loved you ever again.

"I did not deserve to be hurt that way. And you didn’t deserve my trust.

"So much wasted emotion. I had so much more tenderness to give, I could have stayed with you longer, but you didn’t think it would be worth our while. I know you still love me, as I know that you were too d*mned scared to be vulnerable. And I was stupid enough to hope I can help you conquer that fear, or live with it, so that you can take the risk of letting me into your heart. Not anymore. You would rather hurt me than let down your guard.

"But the worst thing about all this is the simple, stupid, pathetic truth that I miss you. I miss you. I knew losing you would be painful, but pain, I can deal with. I can cope with the sharp, intense rush of emotion that cuts like a knife, but is relieved somehow by tears and is dulled by the passage of time. What I didn’t expect was the sadness – the steady, lingering hurt that comes with the realization that you will never again look at me as if I’m precious, special, and infinitely cherished, you will never again call me “garnet ko” with the tender amazement that I really am yours. I miss you.

"Some goodbyes are final. I have a feeling this one is."

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from http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=3898